Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions.. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore. But I do cry! When everyone has gone - when it is safe- the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep. You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude. But I am not strong, I feel that I have lost control; and I panic when I think about tomorrow.... next week.... next year. I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the death of my loved one. But I'm not "over" it. If I get overit, I will be the same as before my loved one died. I will never be the same.
At times I think I am beginning to heal , but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart. I visit my neighbors. You tell me that you're glad to see I'm holding up so well. But I'm not holding up well. Sometimes I want to lock the door and hide from the world. I spend time with my friends, I seem calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self" But I will never be back to my "old self". Death and grief, have touched my life.... and I am changed forever.
Forever missing you / Carol Hensley (family friend ) I visit your web site regularly, and it is like a small part of you is still here. We can talk, and be happy and sad, and in the end we feel a little closer and less fearfull of the final journey we must all take. As I read what others have said here, I realize the whole of human emotions has been experienced and written about. Sometimes it is love complicated by anger, but it is real. What a forum! You will be forever missed, and the puzzle will not be put together completely in this life. You will always have that mystery which compels me to look at your pictures, into your eyes, and try to see why.
I love you brother till we meet again... / Bruce Oveton (friend/brother-in-la--w) I JUST WATCHED CHRIS'S B- DAY MOVIE AGAIN. I AM SURE IT WILL HELP SOME ONE IF IT ONLY HELPS 1 PERSON IT WAS TIME WELL SPENT. GOOD JOB ON THAT ANGELA I FEEL YOUR PAIN TRUST ME I FEEL YA ON THAT NOTE FOR REAL ,OR WHO KNOWS MAY BE. NO I KNOW JUST LIKE MARK SAID." HE LEARNED A LOT OF STUFF THROUGH WITNESSING OTHER PEOPLE MISTAKE'S" . I JUST HURT 4 WHAT CHRIS DID SO OTHER DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. BUT OTHERS MAY NOT B STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE WHAT WE WENT THREW. " AND OR WHAT I SAW ." LIKE A CATTLE IRON IMAGE BURNT IN TO MY BRAIN. ILL NEVER FORGET WHAT I SAW THE NIGHT OF 1-30 -2005 AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM TILL THE DAY I DIE .AND LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING WITH HIM AGAIN IN THE SKY. I KNOW THAT THE REASON WE DIDN'T TELL EACH OTHER GOOD BYE . BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY MERRILY TILL LATER MY FRIEND!!!!. I KNOW YOUR WAITING FOR ME ON THE OTHER SIDE.UP IN HEAVEN YOUR SO HAPPY AND AT PEACE . I CANT WAIT TILL THE DAY I GET TO WALK THREW THOSE PEARLY WHITE GATES AND SEE THAT BIG SMILE ON MY BROTHERS BEAUTIFUL FACE. I SWEAR AS GOD AS MY WITNESS. I WILL HAVE MY RIGHTFUL PLACE IN THIS WORLD TO MAKE A HELL OF IMPACT OF CHANGE ON PEOPLE .TO ERADICATE EVIL THREW EVANGELISM OF CHRIST JESUS TO ALL NATIONS. I AM TELL U .I AM TELL U AGAIN. I TOLD U. IN JESUS NAME AMEN .
on your birthday / Kim Mitchmore We should all be celebrating with laughter instead of tears of sorrow that this special occasion in your life will pass without you. The only gift that can be given is in prayer-for both you and your family, that you may be together in the special memories they have of you, and the love they still hold in their hearts.
My love to you / Leah (another brotherless sister ) Chris, may you watch over your loved ones who miss you every moment. Happy Birthday.
Angela, My love goes to you. I know this will probably be a hard week for you - it is for me. My brother's birthday was Nov. 13 - he would have been 29 - I lost him a year and a half ago. His baby girl is a year and six months old and the reason I'm still here. I hope you are doing alright. Email me if you like, us brotherless sisters need to stick together. Leah
Happy Birthday!! / Dustin Waters (friend of sister )
I really didn't know Chris at all, but I hope he is somewhere happy and celebrating his birthday today. He meant a lot to his family so no matter where he is now, a part of him will always be with them.
Thinking of you / Stacy Giroux (Angela's Online Friend )
Dear Angela,
I wanted you to know that you and Chris are being thought of today... way up here in Canada. I know this will be just an awful day without your brother. I hope you feel the hearts of all those around you, today most of all...
I bet birthday parties in heaven are something special. Maybe my Chris was invited too. I'd like to think that...
Bless you Angela,
Stacy
WTF/ Angela (sister)
NINE
MONTHS.....
Your First Nephew was born today!!! / Angela Bishop (Sister) It was truely suppose to happen closer to your birthday I think but little Nicholas Christopher is here!! He wieghed a perfect 7 pounds. I hope to have a pic really soon and I will post it for you!!!
Another occasion you should have been here for...I love you
angela
your voice / Angela (sister) so deep and raspy it scared the kids but boy could you ever sing. This Sublime song was badass when you sang it...I played it at you "visitation" like 45 times over....I love you.
With sympathy.... / Michele Trevino (Silent mourner )
To the family of Chris. Yesterday, my children remembered their father on what would have been his 38th birthday. (They lost him on Chirstmas Eve 2004.) Please know that we feel your pain and pray for your family. May the memories of him always remain alive and may they bring you joy!
Hi Baby! / Mom (Mom) Crisper (remember Mama used to call you that) I just want you to know I think about you first thing every morning and ask the Lord to tell you I love you, miss you, and to give you a big hug for me.
I miss you so very, very much. It's hard to comprehend the days ahead without you--what would have been your 30th birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas... Your nephew (Nick & Maureen's baby) will be here soon, perhaps close to your birthday. They are naming him Nicholas Christopher. Cool name, huh?
No one can fill the void you left in my heart and life. I take comfort in knowing I will be with you again some day, but it seems like forever away. I love you Baby, Mom
you/ Angela (sister) you were so pretty bubba. the only wish i have is that you could've met your full potential. when i am 30 you will be 29 and no longer my older brother. now there is a day i thought would never come. you will still be the older one but i will age you will not.........
Crying again lol / Angela Today is not easy, tomorrow will surely be the same. I sure do love you Chris. I do not understand how you did this. I definetly do not understand why.....All my thoughts and love,forever...
Angela, i am truly sorry for your loss. I came across your website today fromyour mmk.com profile. My name is Keri aka nhcyoume. I can't say anything that can take away your pain, but i can say that your brother is in a better place, watching and protecting you. I am sure he loves you as much as you love him, and when the time comes, you will be reunited with him. From what you say about him, he seems to be a kind warm young man, i wish i could say more, but i must close for now. God bless.
Hmphh and to think it was only a nightmare... / Angela Bishop (sista) HAHA I wish, guess what bubba? I woke up this morning and you were still dead!! Why did you do this to yourself, WHY? I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, so f-ing much! I could really use an ear right now. Prefferably a non judgemental one like yours. I know you would probably slap me in the back of the head and say I told you so...but sometimes that is what I need you know. I think we all do sometimes. You are my family and I love you very much I will never forget you. I wish you could come home. I can not believe you murdered yourself bubba WTF!!! I hate what you did I HATE IT...
Dreaming of you.... / Sandy Romito (friend) Hi Chris, I had a dream of you....you came to my house one morning and you were sitting on my patio. I walked outside and you sat ther smiing at me. I said Chris you said HI . What a beautiful smile and a dirty mouth you have. I said how can you be here your dead. You said, well I am here. I asked you if you were OK and you said yes.....I was be side myself and you told me to chill the @#$& out. YOu said I could not touch you cuz I wanted to hug you....you told me you and Joe were ok and to stop crying......I CAN"T.......you said everything is cool now.....I know it was a dream.....I told you to tell Joe I love him and you said he knows...I told you that I would take care of Angela and he said he would count on that.....I know that it was just a dream but it really felt real....please visit me anytime in my dreams....I miss you just like I do Joe and that is strange....so I guess today I am sending a hug to both my baby brothers and want them to know how much I love them!
Nov.15/ Angela So much is going on I would love to talk to you about. I have so many things to ask you and hear you laugh at me for being dumb. I think you never really realize how much you talked to and needed someone untill you can no longer talk to them. I have like a wirlwind of crazy things going on and I feel like you would be just as excited as I am if not more so. Looking for someone I can have go sky diving for you on your 30th it is coming up you know. I know you never even knew the day of the week but it is coming a lot faster than I would like for it too. But I could never just jump out of a plane so I am going to get someone else who I know to do it for you. I dunno just felt like I should say something to you I wonder if you hear me ever??
Butthead!!!!/ Angela Bishop (Sista) God I love you bubba, everytime I look at your site and see the pictures I think OMG what happened?!?!?! We were always on the go always having fun. I guess a person is only allowed so much fun in one lifetime and we used it up. I miss you so much I cry everyday, every single f-ing day!!!! Will there ever be a day that I do not wish we could just hang out. I wish I could have found you that night. I would've sat you down and told you all the things I know you needed to hear, sparked a fat doobie and chilled till we passed out. I can not even count the number of nights we had like this. You always just needed that extra push to keep you going. WTF Chris I miss you soooooo BAD!!! I can actually feel my heart breaking on days like this. It tears up and down my chest till I can no longer even draw a breath. I guess some things are out of my control I love you always and I know I seem mad, but I am not I just miss you big bro............................
Your brother / Melanie (None) While I did not know Chris, I came across his website this evening while searching for my own answers in life. I wanted you to know that youi did such a beautiful job in memory of your brother. After visiting your website I felt like I too had once known him. HIs presence is surely evident in your website. God bless you and your family always.
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